A week after Bachelor Nation tuned in to The Bachelorette season finale, Devin Strader is breaking his silence on his messy break up with Jenn Tran.
In a 13-minute video posted to his Instagram, Devin addressed his controversial split with Jenn and opened up about the factors that led to decision to end their relationship. At the After the Final Rose special on Sept. 3, Jenn called out Devin for multiple transgressions — including breaking off their engagement over a phone call.
The freight company owner, 28, noted that a relationship consists of “two people” and admitted that it was “incredibly difficult” to navigate his emotions towards Jenn when they wrapped their season.
“Post show, we both had missteps, we both had flaws,” he explained in the video. “We both had mistakes along the way, but the love that Jenn and I had, and the love especially that I had for Jenn, is not something that I’m attempting to lie about.”
Disney/John Fleenor
Devin said that his love for Jenn wasn’t something he could “fake every single day” but figuring out what their relationship would look like in real life “was an uphill battle.” Despite his intentions of lending “support and love the best way that I can,” he had “feelings of anxiety” when it came to his relationship with Jenn.
“I feel like no matter what I was doing and … no matter how hard I was trying, it wasn’t good enough, no matter how much effort I would put in. It continued to take an emotional toll on me,” he confessed. “At that point, I really did have to make just a decision based on my own happiness, because again, at the end of the day, what’s best for me is what’s best for me.”
Elsewhere in the video, Devin also addressed a few of the claims Jenn made during the After the Final Rose special. During the episode, Jenn revealed that Devin began to withdraw and refused to go to couples counseling after she suggested the two “just date” instead of following through with their engagement. To the shock of Bachelor Nation, she even claimed that Devin immediately followed Maria Gorgas after their split — Jenn’s fellow contestant on Joey Graziadei‘s season and rumored first pick to be The Bachelorette.
DISNEY/John Fleenor
“I want to go ahead and clear the air that I never refused to go to couples counseling,” Devin said. “I actually scheduled multiple appointments with her, and we went to a couple sessions together. On top of that, Jen and I were also doing individual counseling with our respective therapists from the show at the time.”
He claimed that he “stopped going to couples counseling” when Jenn fired their mutual therapist without consulting him. When he asked for an explanation, she allegedly said that she “didn’t like her” and she “wasn’t experienced enough.”
Devin also addressed his “ill advised decision” to follow Maria. While he takes “full accountability” for his actions, Devin said that he and Jenn had been fighting at the time and he made an “emotionally charged decision” to hit follow.
Disney/John Fleenor; Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock
“I did apologize and she is the only one who needed an apology,” he continued. “In that moment, I realized I made a mistake, and I am sorry to her for that. Reflecting back, I do realize that I did make a poor decision, and I shouldn’t be playing with people’s feelings, especially when it’s regarding their emotions.”
While attempting to take accountability for his actions, Devin denied breaking up with Jenn out of the blue. He claimed that he made countless attempts to meet in person, but she refused.
“On the day that we broke up, I wasn’t acting weird. I really wanted to get to that happy couple [visit] and have that conversation with her in person. I did try to meet up with her,” he explained, claiming Jenn said she didn’t want to go if “it was just going to be a break up.”
“So I didn’t really know what else to do. She kind of forced my hand,” he added.
Devin reassured fans that the breakup wasn’t made “out of malice” but the separation was “an important thing that I felt I needed.”
“As hard as moving off from a relationship is, you know, that is a part of life, and I was trying to go through those avenues of life for myself and figure those things out for myself overall,” he continued. “I’m not trying to play the victim here. I really, really don’t want that.”
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
The reality star explained that he wanted to “try and explain my feelings” because his truth was “important in this situation, too.”
“The things that were said about our relationship were expressed and incredibly inaccurate, and I just wanted to do my best, and felt it was best to speak on the circumstances of the situation,” Devin alleged before addressing Jenn, “And to Jenn, I really, really am sorry for the way things played out. My intentions were to never hurt you, and I’m sorry for that hurt that I’ve caused.”
