Lana Condor‘s mother has died.
The To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before actress, 27, shared that her mother, Mary Condor, died “a few days” ago in a vulnerable Instagram post on Sunday, July 28.
Lana posted a throwback photo of her mother holding her hand and included an emotional letter addressed to “my beautiful beautiful mama” in the caption. The star was a toddler in the photo, and she and her mom both wore elegant white dresses.
“I’m laying here thinking about everything I want to say to you, how to put into words the sheer devastation of losing you and how it has carved me out and left me lost,” the Moonshot actress began the letter, adding that she keeps thinking that Mary went on a run to the grocery store or would call her right back.
Phillip Faraone/Getty Images
“I keep thinking that I still have you here. I want, I need you to know that every good thing I am, is because of you,” Lana said.
She went on to list lessons her mother taught her, including “how to love the world and others as if there was no such thing as hate,” “to always trust my gut and run fiercely with my instincts” and “[to have] empathy, in a world that needs much more of it.”
Lana added that her mother made sure she knew what “unconditional love” and “compassion” are and told her to always make them her “first choice.”
According to Lana, Mary also taught her how to see the humor in life, because it makes survival easier and is also “a brave choice.”
“You infused our world with so much joy and warmth and color that I fear the sunrises will always now feel somewhat muted because you aren’t here to watch them with me, like we always loved to do,” she said. “It’s only been a few days since I lost you, but I miss you like you’ve been gone for way longer and also like you just left.”
Alberto Rodriguez/Variety via Getty Images
Lana wrote that she hopes her mom is “running in the wind” and finding answers to all the questions she had in life.
“I miss you with my whole soul,” the rom-com star said, adding that she used to tell her mom she loved her “more than you could possibly ever know.”
“I hope now, wherever you are, that you know,” she added.
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
“You found me first, and I pray with everything that I am, that you’ll find me again,” her letter concluded.
Mary and Lana’s father Bob adopted the actress and her brother Arthur from an orphanage in Vietnam when Lana was 4 months old.
Gilbert Flores/Variety via Getty Images
In a 2021 interview with PEOPLE, Lana reflected on going to the country with Michelle Obama, her brother and her parents in 2019 and visiting the orphanage where the children first met their parents.
“We retraced our steps, my parents’ steps to finding us. We went back to the orphanage and we met the manager of the orphanage,” she recalled at the time.
“We saw every part of our past life. And if it wasn’t for To All the Boys, I don’t think Mrs. Obama would have asked me [on the trip],” Lana added.
